Remember Sahil Khan? Best known for the whole tandav he did with Negar Khan, and his role in ‘Style’. Well while Negar got deported and their hue and cry about being husband and wife was not bought by the state, Sahil started working on his abs again… Hence, his now Tarzan-like physique! Soon after, he was smitten by an anonymous German girl, with whom he had a live-in relationship.

When it came to marriage, knowing all the bitterness the state had with the girls he dated, he blatantly refused and the girl went back to Germany, hooked up with an Australian who had bigger abs and lesser issues and has not been heard of since.

This relationship however made Sahil get out of the gym and sign a couple of films which go by the names; Fauj mein Mauj and Rama - The Saviour featuring Tanushree Dutt and The WWE wrestler The Great Khali. Just as we begin to wonder what will happen to such brave endeavors, Sahil gets himself another anonymous girl, who somehow resembles Paris Hilton to such an extent that it hints either towards a terrific face job or a case of father Hilton’s drunken escapade.

Let’s see how long Sahil’s fly paper abs can hold on to this wafer he has trapped.

Anees Bazmi after his hat-trick with No Entry, Welcome and Singh Is Kinng is trying his hand at something he says he has been wanting to do for a very long time. He is making a simple sweet love story called It’s My Life. The title as we see has been taken from Bon Jovi’s modern rock hit of the same name. The plot and the story we will know about only after it hits the cinema halls (maybe not even then).

It’s My Life stars the guy from Love Story 2050, Harman Baweja and the girl from Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na, Genelia D’souza. Now that is an interesting one, combining a female from a debut that rocked the box office with a male lead whose debut almost dive-bombed into the same future created to give him a rocking platform. Looks like some Kabbalah has gone into the casting of this one.

Let’s see what the future holds for this simple and sweet venture.

The B-town has had a lot of movies with female protagonists playing characters who have been through the trauma of rape. They have done their bit to put the dog’s tail of our society through a straight pole thinking it would somehow, with their portrayal of what the aftermath of such a heinous act is, change people and get them to think. Whether or not it has really helped the cause… we have no way of telling.

Three new-age directors however, have set their eyes on a new impending social evil we’re badgered with - men getting raped. Manish Gupta’s Hostel looks into the life of a college student who gets raped. The idea stemmed from his conversation with an engineering student who was raped. Manish says the gloom of death that he saw on the guy’s face when confronted with the question about whether he was raped was what triggered Hostel. The censors too have shown this bold movie a green signal and passed it without a snip.

Saurabh Gupta’s It’s a Man’s World, takes a look at male prostitution and in the directors words will try to educate people about how these people are humans after too and not commodities. Sudipto Chattopadhyay in his movie Pankh talks about a young boy who has grown up playing female characters in movies and how this has affected his personality in a way that he is utterly gender confused.

Looks like all of them have a very serious issue to convey. Now how many item songs they need to get this through is what remains to be seen…

Priyanka Chopra’s moving on. The box office fatality, Love Story 2050, the personal choice that will haunt us forever, Harman Baweja and the Prakash Jaju SMS fiasco are all behind her now. She has three movies coming up this year – Dostana, Drona and Fashion, and is looking to finally make her mark in the industry as a recognised actress.

Not to burst your bubble or anything, but… um… you might want to re-run those Love Story tapes before you harbour any dreams about having your own star on Bollywood Boulevard. If you still consider Harry Baweja’s moronic vision a job well done, I’m afraid to know what exactly you mean by wanting to establish yourself with these upcoming movies.

She says that she was totally shattered when Love Story flopped; that it totally broke her confidence. (Yea, you must have been riding real high after My Name Is Anthony Gonsalves) What the hell did you expect? George Lucas asking you to sign your name on his daughter’s chest? Gimme a break. If you really want to cut it in this business, don’t choose movies that have been written while the director was choosing a new chin for his son!

Strange things seem to be happening on the sets of Goldie Behl’s latest miscarriage, Drona. As if seeing Abhishek Bachchan dressed in gold wasn’t terrifying enough, the two titanium swords that were made for the movie appear to be jinxed! Whenever the two swords are separated, some bizarre phenomenon like hail in the Thar Desert or a thunderstorm in the otherwise dry Bikaner occur. And finally, after there was an explosion on a flatbed rail car, Goldie has decided never to separate the two swords again.

It’s funny how people interpret events like these. I really doubt the two swords have anything to do with it. I think two things are at the heart of these uncanny scenes. One, that after the Unforgettables tour, Abhishek is missing a soul and two, that the elements are conspiring to stop Goldie’s gunshot wound in the stomach-of-a-script from being turned into a movie. So you can join those two swords and pretend they’re your old G.I.Joe and Cobra action figures till the cows come home Goldie, this is not going to go away.

For all you know, all this crap about hail and thunderstorms may well be fake. I know this movie needs some USP but aim a little higher there champ. Nobody cares that one of your flatbeds blew up. Some dumbass in the tech department you rounded up from under the bridge at the end of Mahim Causeway probably messed up. What the f**k does a sword have to do with it!?

From which angle does Deepika Padukone look Chinese? This and many other questions about her Baghdad street-theatre style acting should have crossed Nikhil Advani’s mind before he cast her for his next movie Chandni Chowk To China. But as always, he ignored these glaring instances of inauthenticity and went ahead with it anyway. When it was time to shoot, make-up artists brainstormed and came up with a suggestion which will go down as one of the worst ideas since American Pie. They asked to tape the sides of her eyes for every 12-hour shoot so she’d look Chinese!

Luckily, Deepika didn’t agree like most other dimwit newbies would have, but instead consulted her doctor about it. He told her not to go through with it unless she wanted to permanently look Chinese. Knowing that looks are pretty much all she has right now, she decided against it. They finally just used make-up to make her eyes look slanted. This bonanza of bad choices comes full circle with the fact that Deepika is playing two characters in the movie; another double role. Fantastic.

The Movie is about a band called Magik

Which had a fallout, which was tragic

10 years down the line, they meet

To create music, which was neat!

The latest movie to be produced by Farhan Akhtar, Rock On, which finds him in an actor’s shoes, released today! The movie preaches the fact that it’s never too late to realize your dreams, to do what you really want to do in life, even if you think it’s too late. The story goes along a very familiar Dil Chahta Hai plot line of few friends having a fallout and then meeting again after years, burying the hatchet and moving on. The music is really catchy with some of the most interesting lyrics that I’ve heard in a long time. Hats off to Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy for intelligently using a small background score from ‘Lakshya’ in the title song of Rock On, trust me it’s interesting when you realize that!

It has been said for a few years that Farhan Akhtar came into the film industry to become an actor, but started instead with making movies. Farhan has acted very well in the movie and has sung brilliantly too! Prachi Desai (who looks cute in the movie) plays Farhan’s wife in the film, who is distraught with his work-oriented-mechanical lifestyle and wants to see him happy with her.

Arjun Rampal plays the lead guitarist in the band, whose fight with Farhan leads to the fallout. Purab Kohli and Luke Kenny play the drums and keyboards respectively and also act as the glue which keeps the group alive. Other performances include Shahana Goswami, who plays Debby, Arjun’s wife, who is trying to make a living out of Arjun’s family business and looking for better opportunities for him and herself. The characterization in the film is excellent, where every actor has done a great job. The best part about the movie is the subtleness in which the issue has been brought up. The whole fallout, which seems like an important event in the bandmember’s lives has been shown very tastefully and not overdone. The transition of the looks of all the characters has also been very well handled.

The movie goes on with very little spontaneous comedy found in a lot of films including Dil Chahta Hai. The second half of the film is much better than the first, which is a shade slower. The movie did rock with excellent music and decent performances from everyone.

Rock On!! Rocked! Go watch it!

What happens when three Indian monkeys go to South Africa and get into exploration mode? They stumble upon a strip club, where they see women with spike heels and nipple tassles grooving to some equally raunchy music. This gets them scared and red and they run away to a more sober discotheque. The monkeys in question here are also the ones behind the sequel to Raaz.

Director Mohit Suri, Emran Kiss-me and the new Suman in town were shooting in Capetown, South Africa when Kiss-me got the idea to check out the strip club right next to the hotel they were put up in. None of the three had been to one before and this got them pretty excited. Now Indians that they really are beneath all the kissing around, they got pretty embarrased by what they witnessed. Hell what were you expecting guys? Middle aged women breast-feeding babies? They ended up going to some randomly regular discotheque and reported to the shoot next morning at 7 looking like three quarters full of rum.

Great minds think alike. Since Bollywood has no such minds, we usually observe the other end of the continuum; a**holes with no work think alike. And the two men who join the list of deadly twosomes are none other than Sallu and Abhishek.

As it turns out, they have more in common than just a mark on the wall for scoring with Aishwariya. Apparently Sallu spent a whole half-hour in Abhishek’s vanity van at Mehboob Studios the other day. God only knows what went down in there. Rumour has it that they played a game of Cluedo in which Sallu kept coming to the conclusion that it wasn’t Colonel Mustard but in fact Vivek Oberoi who was the murderer.

When it was time for Sallu to leave, Abhishek dropped him back to his sets before returning to his van. I wonder what Ash will have to say about this sudden bonding. I’m sure this sort of thing must disturb her at some level. If Sallu just loosens his pantyhose a little and accepts Vivek’s apology, they’ll have their own inner circle of trust. Aishwariya’s Anonymous. Doesn’t sound too promising does it Ash?

Riya Sen has put on weight. 4kgs of it. And this is making everyone sit up and pay attention. The light, scientists reckon, will bend a little more around her curvy waist, now giving her a planetary glow which will be visible from galaxies far far away. The scientists also believe this might somehow interest the aliens as well and they might have a 4kg of a bigger reason now to come to our land and witness this emerging “bengali hole”, making this otherwise personal act a real giant leap for mankind.

The only truthful point in the above tale which was meant to be a synopsis for SRK’s Special Effects Flick endeavor is that, Riya Sen has gained weight, and with everyone speculating, it has been revealed that she’s playing a fearless and pregnant Bengali bahu in Rituparna Ghosh’s new movie. We thank the universe that there still lives one director here who does not want his heroines to look like billboard advertisements even while they are playing pregnant characters. I have to admit all this extra weight has really added to her curves and as they say, ‘Hips don’t lie’!

Hello, and welcome back to the Bigg Boss updates!

Quite the boisterous lot we have this season on Bigg Boss, don’t you think?

The tension is building up as all the friendly smiles turn plastic and the competitive spirit creeps in.

To give you a quick update on what happened last, the inmates woke up to ‘Madhuban Mein Jo Kanhaiya kisi Gopi se mile’ and since all the gopiyas, as per the task, had to dance at the very sound of music, they woke up dancing. Further, Ehsaan narrates his love story and Rahul takes Personality Development Counselling from Debojit to which the latter’s expert advice was, ‘Be yourself’.

The inmates were then given flowers with which they had to make 10-foot garlanads and decorate the house for the evening’s Dahi Handi celebration. The boys and girls had each hidden Dahi Handis which the other party had to look for. The boys found the girls’ Handi but the girls failed to find the boys’ (The girls had hidden the handi under the bed – how creative).

Suddenly the girls have started sucking-up to each other. Payal tells Sambhavana that she really likes her and that she thinks the former’s a really nice girl. On hearing this, Sambhavana gets all emo and thanks her for being the first woman who’s accepted her- talk about no sense of self!

Then, Sambhavana and Monica talk about rescuing Alina from her insecurities about being the only ‘commoner’ or non-celebrity in the house because apparently she’s feeling bad about it.

Uh, doesn’t being on B.B automatically make you a celebrity? Between Ketki and Sambhavana you feel like the lesser celebrity? That’s speaking volumes for yourself.

I almost forgot! Happy birthday Zulfi! I hope the housemates can cook better than they act.

To add to the drama, Rakhi is up to no good because apparently she’s going about doing a lot of idhar ka udhar with the inmates and Payal, or should I say Radha, doesn’t like this one bit. She even got into a little tiff with her Kanhaiya, Rahul and warned him against her (hmm… do I smell a spark?) Along with Payal and Rahul, Monica has also been a victim of Rakhi’s wrath.

Although, now that Rahul and Rakhi are nominated, Rakhi’s put on a sugar coat for the moment although Rahul’s pretending to be smarter than that. He says all’s fair in the game.

On the brighter side, Rakhi’s got another warning because she and Monica have been putting off their mics to converse with each other and with some of the other house mates. The Bigg B is very angry and has warned them that if they break any more rules, Monica will be asked to leave and Rakhi will be nominated off the show.

Any bets on who’s getting out this week?

It’s quite clear, Bollywood is changing and not a minute too soon. I have always felt that the same ol’ song and dance routine will not sustain for a long time. I mean, yeah I enjoy an occasional cheesy movie from the 70’s or 80’s but there’s only so much bright candy-floss shiny happy movies one can handle.

There is a lot of issue based sensible cinema happening in India. It’s not like the old art films which only a select few would watch and fewer still would understand. It’s intelligent, yet it’s mainstream. One such breath of fresh air is Tahaan.

Tahaan tells us the tale of an eight-year-old boy of the same name. It tells us about his woes, his aspirations, his little dreams and his donkey, Birbal. All this set in the backdrop of terrorism addled Kashmir.

The protagonist is played by a young newcomer, Purav Bhandare. Anupam Kher, Victor Banerjee, Sarika, Rahul Khanna and Rahul Bose play key roles in the movie. It’s directed by none other than ace cinematographer, Santosh Sivan. Whoa! That is one hell load of talent packed in one movie.

Tahaan is bound to stand out from the normal fare. Kudos to the makers for daring to make a different kind of movie. The Indian film fraternity is in desperate need of such attempts to prove that it can make much more than big budget candy-floss. Watch it when it releases on September 5th!

Don’t look now movie-goers, but Lara Dutta is writing her own script! She’s already written most of it and claims that the next draft will be the final one. The reason for doing something as potentially devastating as this is because the female characters in the scripts she’s being offered lack depth. She on the other hand, is just an ocean of knowledge and sensitivity.

She goes on to say that Bollywood scripts always glorify the hero while the heroine just prances around and falls in love with him. Her script will be different. It will have a female lead character that’s not an in-your-face feminist but just someone who shares equal space with the male lead.

Given our pool of talent, that’s a nightmare. Imagine Shah Rukh and Priyanka Chopra acting in this sort of film. Shah Rukh with his awful attempts to deliver an emotional scene and Priyanka with… well… she’s just terrible.

So… hint hint Lara, there’s a reason why mainstream movies are written a certain way. The Barbie and Ken dolls we have for actors are already biting off more than they can chew with bad movies. If you throw them a whole steak, they’re going to choke on it. Asphyxiate. Die. Is that what you want?

That said, I find this sudden need to assert your femininity pretty odd Ms. Dutta. Why did you sign up for the Miss Universe Pageant then? To highlight your mini-golf windmill shot? You just stood there in a bikini and asked for world peace or football stadiums or something. If you’re looking for cliches to change, how about that one? And here your whining about movies…!

Beware Darsheel Safary… you have been warned! Purav Bhandare is the newest child actor on the block and he’s here to give you a run for your money. Last night’s music launch of Tahaan saw Purav decked out in his finest along with the rest of the cast. I’m guessing that by now you have all seen the music promos running on Channel [V] and are well aware that Adnan Sami has been part of Tahaan’s sound track. Jhoom Jhoom the film’s title track has been dominating the airwaves and stuck in my head for days. I’m glad it’s not part of a mainstream Bollywood film (I’m really beginning to tire of Himmesh’s nasal voice). Another one to listen for on this soundtrack is Sumeida. Quite a looker with the voice of an angel. Well the music is now finally out in stores…

Other cast members present at the launch were Rahul Bose and Sarika, who looked like she’d just returned from trekking in the Himalayas. I’m highly dissappointed with Sarika’s dressing style, what a waste of beauty. Woman it was a music launch! Even Purav wore a tie and waistcoat. Let’s hope she makes a better effort for the premiere… Santosh Sivan (director), Taufique Qureshi (lyricist), Mubina Rattonsey (producer), Adnan Sami and Sumeida were also present.

Despite other bekaar people turning up at Cinemax for other movies they were lucky enough to attract the shutter bugs hence although it might appear that Vikram Bhatt and Apoorva Agnihotri attended the movie launch the losers were probably at Cinemax to catch the late night show of Maan Gaye Mughal-e-Azam.

Highlight of the evening would have to be Purav’s interview and the live performance of local band Kvanaa.

Lara Dutta’s running on a real fast lane these days. Looks like Kelly Dorji really had some chains on her for the nine years that they were together. She has been trying her hand at all the things she thinks she’s been missing out on. First up there is Sudhir Mishra’s modernized adaptation of Devdas, where she plays a modern Paro. This role she says will completely change her image… I think it’s becoming a norm for all the glitzy actresses to try their hands at working with off-beat directors to get an i-can-act-tag. Then there is Billoo Barber, where in her own words, Priyadarshan has made her go through more firsts than she has had in her entire life.

Now the new one to the list is Blue. Blue is a complete action flick, with Akshay Kumar and Zayed Khan. With the real death-defying, breathtaking action sequences we witnessed in Singh is Kinng, I m sure this one will show them smooching on the moon. Lara says she’s overcome Hydrophobia (fear of wearing bathing suits is it?). She’s scuba diving with sharks and balancing on the noses of two dolphins. For real? Remains to be seen - for all we know she could be caressing Flounders underwater while some geeks sitting on computers are getting their eyeballs red trying to replace them with sharks and dolphins!

Another one to conquer all the phobias for Blue is Zayed Khan who has already gotten himself stitches on his forehead by misjudging a move and falling on the windscreen of a car! You can now officially collect your red and white bravery award Zayed!! Sanjay Dutt, who has had a life full of mishaps was quick to scream at Zayed for such childish moves. With so much drama unfolding behind the scenes, the director should really contemplate a documentary on the making of this movie itself!

Raj Kapoor must be turning over in his grave. The reason is none other than his grandson’s plans. After Saawariya and Bachna Ae Haseeno, the latest horror we have to put up with is the probability of Ranbir directing and acting in a film. He plans to revive Raj Kapoor’s company and promises to bring “a smile to a face, a tear to the eye” with his obscene vision. Anyone with half a brain will have a tear in his eye watching this open casket funeral of an idea unfold into cinema.

As if patronising gramps wasn’t enough, Ranbir also claims that comparisons with his dad are unavoidable, since he’s his favourite actor. So some similarities are bound to be there. But there’s one difference that only a true artist like Ranbir could point out. They don’t dance the same. There you have it. And with that, I can only hope this Archie’s card family-moment that Ranbir seems to be experiencing comes to an end. The next in line is Neetu Singh. That won’t be pretty.

Meanwhile, his acting career seems to taking off. He’s just signed Ayaan Mukherjee’s Wake Up Sid in which he will be acting across Konkana Sen. With a number of other films in his kitty and his big plans of restoring Raj Kapoor style cinema, there seems to be no escaping this Kapoor kid.