Kim Sharma’s taste in men seems to be getting worse. After a failed romance with Yuvraj Singh (which many say failed because his mom couldn’t relate to Kim), she has now latched on to an unsuspecting firangi diplomat Oren Gahaly. Two of them have been hanging around at the city’s various hot spots and behaving like eighth grade lovers in free period.

The man in question, Oren Gahaly is an Israeli Diplomat who’s visiting India on business. Kim who has been lusting after a groom after her chaddi buddy and one hit wonder Preeti Jhangiani tied the knot with Parvin Dabbas, thinks he is the one. And so, she has been religiouly following him around like a Colaba Causeway shopkeeper before he departs to do some more serious work back home in Israel. I hope this one does not have a mom who can think, and takes this damsel in distress far far away, never to bring her back!

Kareena Kapoor has taken to beau Saif Ali Khan not casting her in his production venture really seriously. After riding superbikes and making a lot of men drool, Kareena thinks she can do every thing Saif can, and has announced the launch of her own production company to draw the final nails on this huge B-town coffin we can do without.

Before this money manoeuvre, Kareena was heard saying she would like to open a Yoga training Institute and a school for the disabled. Those two ventures have not seen the light of the day. And well, just like we have have learned to say, charity can always wait till the time size zero feels full enough.

This new production company goes on floor sometime next year with Eros International already pitching their noses and word on what they think might be profitable. There are no points for guessing who will star in this commercial saga, Saif and Kareena will take their love affair to the silver screen yet again…

After setting imaginary lighters ablaze with his hands-free guitar playing in Rock On!!, Arjun Rampal now claims to want to do a full-fledged action film. He’s worked in a string of different movies in the last year or so, with performances ranging from Om Shanti Om to Rock On!! to The Last Lear and would now like to branch out even further.

The model turned actor, who seems to always be brooding over something, was at the Zoom office yesterday discussing the various roles he’s pulled off while strumming either Hotel California or Sweet Child O’Mine to drive those time-warped employees into a nostalgic frenzy.

Whilst at the office, Arjun also got a chance to express his 1978 Rishi Kapoor starrer of an opinion on celebrity smokers. He said that it’s the companies or the individuals who should be censored instead. Now that we’ve heard his revolutionary view on an age-old debate, lets get back to acting. An action movie? Looks like Akki’s success is getting under everybody’s skin.

Even SRK’s making an action film (BIllo Barber) in an attempt to flex those construction site worker for ten years to many muscles that he’s acquired of late. So Arjun looks all set to make that film and dampen the mood with that trademark fat girl without a prom date expression of his.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni, cricketer cum poster-boy is now interested in educating himself further. He is 28 years old and by this time in life most MBBS’s and CA’s  too are through reading college books. Actually, most people these days hate college books at 18, and returning to them after you are the captain of the Indian Cricket  ODI team sounds a little absurd.

Dhoni has enrolled himself in a course at Xavier’s College in Ranchi called Office Management and Secretarial Practice and says he wants to be treated just like a batch mate and not a celebrity, which I think is directly proportional to the amount of security he will take along for the lectures. He says he is even open to the idea of getting ragged too and  will try and be as regular as he did not even bunk lectures in school ( no one’s allowed that!! ) plus you were not the captain of the cricket team then now were you?

The Principal of the college says that the course Dhoni has chosen is really easy and that even with the most hectic schedules, it should not be difficult to get done with. He is however really worried about the security issues that might result because of Dhoni’s celebrity stature.

Abhishek Bachchan seems to be trying very hard to get into the MNS leader and saffron junkie, Raj Thackerey’s good books. After showering him with such gems as, ‘he’s a great guy’ and many other generic compliments, Junior B has invited him for the premiere of Drona! And so, with this lovely gesture of awkward F.Y.J.C. love, the city may be set to witness a new era of trust and friendship.

But wait a minute. We’ve not taken a major element of this delicate situation into consideration. Drona. I don’t know what kind of effect a man dressed in gold weilding some ancient, engraved sword will have on Mr. Thackerey. He might just well up and have visions of Shivaji Maharaj flashing before his eyes by the end of it. On the other hand, he might pillage the Bachchan residence for the fact that a movie with a beard and a sword in it is not based on Shivaji.

Well, we’ll just have to wait and see what twisted magic Goldie’s one-hit-blunder conjures up. The fate of the city hangs in the balance…

The latest innocent by-stander to be claimed by Bollywood’s answer to the Freemasons Club, the Bachchans, is none other than hip-hop demon and ‘that guy who sang Mariah Mariah‘, Wyclef Jean. His recent comments have left no doubt in my mind that the wily Bachchans have taken his soul into custody and will not release it until he says the magic words. Nishabd moved me to emotional spaces that I never thought existed within me. Say that and you’re free to go.

In case you’ve forgotten what Wyclef  has to do with anything, here’s a reminder. He and Abhishek had recorded a number together for the album Bollywood meets Hollywood. It seems the two shared a moment in the studio which has somehow convinced Mr. Jean that this Monday morning burnt toast that Junior B calls a personality is hypnotic!! As if that wasn’t hilarious enough, he goes on to call Bachchan senior one of the sharpest men he’s ever met.

Maybe now, after they’ve gotten more mileage out of one track on some pointless album than a Hero Honda Splendour can get on a Frankfurt autobahn, I think Wyclef will be allowed to make his way back to the U.S. and never talk about this ever again.

The West has barely recovered from the shock of the Bachchan’s Unforgettables Tour, and Shah Rukh Khan already plans to have a grand tour of his own! He calls it Temptation Reloaded 2008.

This monstrous intrusion will feature the likes of Deepika Padukone, Bipasha Basu, Katrina Kaif, Arjun Rampal and Anusha Dandekar. The tour will kickstart on the 17th of October in Berlin and see it’s closure in Dubai.

Temptations was apparently going to unfold right alongside the Bachchan’s world tour in what could have been B-town’s biggest showdown in a really long time but it did not materialise as they could not block the dates of the other stars they wanted in the troupe.

Looks like some more masala is going be spoonfed to the starved NRI’s and the unthinking Europeans. Whether it tempts them or not though remains to be seen…

Bollywood’s first couple are trying to tell us exactly how love goes around the world. Aishwarya Rai Bachchan is all set to travel all the way from Brazil back to Mumbai to attend a special screening of Goldie Behl’s Drona.

Drona happens to be Abhishek’s solo hero release this year and everyone knows how it’s such a big deal since his shoulders are already so overburdened carrying his two tonne last name around, add a solo release with a fictional fantasy theme and he’s already having nightmares about tomorrow. Aishwarya wants to be close to her husband in such fragile times.

Goldie Behl is hosting an exclusive screening of Drona only for the Bachchans next week and in perfect bahu fashion, Aishwarya will be walking alongside Abhishek.

Kareena Kapoor braved heavy snowfall to be with Saif on her 28th birthday. After she had accomplished the union on this auspicious occasion with such bravado, her mother Babita suggested that since they were so close to Kargil, they might as well pay a visit to the soldiers. Kareena, who was already on an emotional high after defying destiny and meeting Saif, agreed immediately and as a result, spent the evening of her birthday with the Vir Jawans.

Kareena says she found it to be a unique and once in a lifetime experience to meet them and get their blessings. This means that now Jawans too have started blessing people and if it really works for Kareena, who has not enjoyed much success this year, this might just increase the Bollywood traffic to Ladhak manifold.

Rishi Kapoor is taking the age old Bollywood technique of hard-selling a defective product to a whole new level. National Award winner, Ashwini Chaudhary approached Rishi with a new script and asked him to consider playing the role of the father in the film.

The Bobby star was so thrilled with the script that he asked Ashish to dump Sharman Joshi, the original choice for the son and replace him with Ranbir! After this professional blackmail, he made Ashish change his production house to the RK banner. And now, for the icing on the cake; he then asked him to step down as director of the film to make way for a more popular filmmaker!! Fantastic! Who did you have in mind there Rishi? Karan Johar perhaps? Popular enough for you? Moron.

Ashwini went back to his original producer and tried to rope in Sharman again, but he had already signed another film. So now, the father son duo may be played by Naseeruddin Shah and Shreyas Talpade. Meanwhile, Ranbir claims that it was all a rumour. He says he’s booked till 2011 and so he couldn’t sign the film even if he wanted to. Who are you kidding? You want us to believe that you have movies lined up till 2011? The only thing you seem fit to be booked for is entertaining bored upper-class housewives as a wind-clown to every Bridge night or Tupperware party.

Arjun Rampal is finding it very difficult to abandon his rock star maneuvers ever since Rock On. After his display of professional quality ‘rock guitaring’ in the movie and the ever so amazing finger syncing during the live gig, he thinks the the world is literally revolving around his middle finger. This is what he tried to tell everyone while shooting a promotional video for Suniel Shetty and Ekta Kapoor’s EMI. He showed the camera his middle finger while sitting between four really hot girls.

Suniel and Ekta who have not really had such rock star experiences, immediately thought about the saas, bahus and censors and got the shot removed.

The truth behind this rebellious signature move was that Rampal had to count 1-2-3 backwards in a sequence as a part of his choreographed move with each of his fingers successively bending inwards into the palm. This somehow left his middleman upright at 1. How he managed this defeats me completely. But since he practiced so hard to play air guitar through Rock On, he might as well have applied some Quantum Mechanics to move his finger…

Abhishek Bachchan is all for women. He claims that this regular bubbling up of oxytocin within him can be credited to the fact that he is surrounded by strong women - Jaya Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai.

And so, it comes as no surprise that he was the one who played out one of his many repressed fantasies through Goldie Behl’s Drona by convincing him to make Priyanka Chopra his bodyguard and not just his love interest. Abhishek thought that since Priyanka’s mom is the protector of Abhishek’s dad in the movie; why not pass the relationship down to both children? Genius.

But this isn’t the first time that Junior B has pitched lame ideas to politically correct directors. Rakeysh Mehra raves on about how Abhishek is a storehouse of ideas and how he will be a director one day! That’ll be the day. The floodgates of Abhishek’s pea-sized brain will finally let out the 4-piece puzzle that collectively forms his creative imagination.

After the waste of time that was the IPL brace yourselves for the bigger and badder ICL. Come October 10th the new cricket tournament will kick off and it will have a very special attraction. Not Mandira Bedi in noodle strapped cholis but Rakhi Sawant and her gang of girls.

Rakhi a.k.a Head cheerleader will decide everything from the costumes to the dance moves. She will perform at 49 matches all over the country with 12 other girls in what she calls a ‘classy affair‘ handled in the most professional manner.Knowing Rakhi, it is most likely to be a really trashy affair.

But the moral police banned the IPL cheerleaders’ skimpy outfits. How will Rakhi get around that you wonder? She’ll just invite everyone to watch her cheer and once they see how talented she is they will no longer be paying attention to her outfit or lack of it.

This comes as a bit of a surprise to the item girl’s fans as we all clearly remember her stating on Koffee with Karan that cricketers don’t practice and only party. If she had it her way she would lock them up and let them loose only to play and practice.

The last thing we’d expect her to be doing is leading their cheer squad. Now within such proximity to the Indian Cricket League, I think a couple of them might just try to aim a six to her head, Dhoni might even pull it off. Keep your boyfriend cum bodyguard close or hire Jonty Rhodes.

Salman Khan has gone one up on the ‘creepy middle-aged guy who eyes you from the bar’ meter by painting a portrait of one time love and six-time Razzie nominee, Katrina Kaif. He then surprised her by wrapping it and gifting it to her very casually over dinner. Smooth. Katrina did well to hide the fright that this 1850’s stalker’s equivalent of a racy Polaroid taken from the bushes while she was changing evoked.

But that said; this isn’t the first time Katrina has been at the receiving end of Sallu’s painful hobby. She has quite a few of these post-modern disasters hung up in her apartment. Meanwhile, Sallu is busy painting holy men to add to his personal gallery at home. It’s only a matter of time before he decides to go public with them and hold an exhibition. An event like this promises to be a bigger joke than a Sunday Mass jointly conducted by Courtney Love and Shaun Ryder.

Mallika Sherawat’s living life in a really fast lane and this is taking a toll on her health. The poor baby has fallen ill on the sets of her latest film. This happened after she worked non-stop for Jennifer Lynch’s Naagin the Snake Woman.

The make up for the look she dons in the movie alone takes about 4 hours, plus she has been working round the clock which caused her to get a high fever and collapse.

Meanwhile, the special effects champ Robert Kurtzman (of Evil Dead and Vinalla Sky fame) is busy creating the 12 foot Nagin that Mallika Sherawat will transform into.

Mallika also has found a great friend in yesteryears star Bhagyashree. This might sound strange as most of the other filmy friendships blossom on the sets and these two haven’t worked together yet. Bhagyashree somehow likes the way Mallika has done what she wants to do, without any godfather in the industry. The two of them meet up for lunches and are constantly in touch through SMS’s. Mallika also SMSed Ramu about his new mis-horror Phoonk saying “Hats off to the crow”. Afterwards, Ramu who is now working on a new movie tittled Hiss met Mallika on the sets of Naagin the Snake Woman and displayed a desire to cast her in a movie customised for her as he thinks no one so far has done justice to Mallika’s complete potential. I really wonder what’ll come out of this doing justice to Mallika trip, but Mallika’s sure making some people happy.

There’s only one thing worse than a Subhash Ghai crocodile death roll of a film releasing by the end of this year. A Shah Rukh Khan home production releasing at the same time.

The world was on course to witness this horrific face-off until Mr.Ghai took matters into his own hands and averted the impending disaster. He told SRK that the two films, Main Yuvraaj and Billo Barber were big enough to release with a gap of a couple of weeks between them. Shah Rukh, being the parent-loving push over that he is, agreed instantly and has now postponed the release of Billo Barber to next year!!

I can understand why Mr.Ghai is a little wary of his dates. The last time two big movies released at the same time was with Jaane Tu and Love Story 2050. We all know how that story ended. By avoiding the date clash with SRK, he has also defused the potential estrogen-battle that was bound to ensue between Sallu, the lead in Main Yuvraaj and his nemesis Shah Rukh, the lead in Billo Barber.

And so, with this latest development, the race for the worst movie of the year boils down to Harry Baweja’s Love Story 2050 and Subhash Ghai’s twin cretins, Black and White and the upcoming Main Yuvraaj. May the best man win.